Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
