the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
