You just made me feel so damn special
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
