tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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