Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
