Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
