Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
