You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize