Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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