you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
