that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
