2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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