i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
