Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
