Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
