I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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