my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
