so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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