the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
