I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize