Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
