great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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