dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
