Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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