Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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