from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
