I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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