You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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