Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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