all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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