his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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