yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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