just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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