Im at strip club and am horny
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
where are my eyebrows?
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