Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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