Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
