His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
