i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
