Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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