There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
