and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
