please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
