I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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