There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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