There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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