He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
