I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
