shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
