Just mADE A PArabola og urine
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize