I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
