I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
