haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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