it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
