Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
