Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So squirting runs in the family.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize