he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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