Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
