I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
