I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
