My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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