I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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