What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
