she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
