and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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