i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize